here are a few of the current edition's advertisements...
- My sexuality has never quite recovered from an early teenage exposure to President Servalan. Male from the unfashionable upper East side (of the British Library) seeks F to around 40 with a taste for fine wine, obscure dialogue, and interstellar conquest at .. email address
- Safety first. Dignity second. Trousers last. Rubbish wok-cooked foods enthusiast and flammable materials-wearing loon (M) WLTM F to 45 with fire-blanket and no small amount of knowledge regarding the correct batter-frying procedures of tempura. Bicester. Box no. 20/06
- Let’s wipe the slate clean. Lacklustre, melancholic and depressive rock-climbing PhD (M, 29) unable to get a foothold in anything seeks woman with those funny metal things that stab into crevices and stop you from plummeting to a certain death. Or something. Box no. 20/07
- ‘Du bist ein maultaschen’. Not, it transpires, the correct greeting when welcoming an ‘art’ publisher. Gullible publicity exec (F, 28) and the butt of all the jokes with the Frankfurt ‘in-crowd’ seeks avuncular M to 40 with penchant for hitting enemies with sticks. Box no. 20/08
- These adverts give birth to a thousand violent dreams. And when I awake I am no longer immune to the desperate cries of the damned. After-dinner speaker and corporate entertainer (M, 57) seeks lover/CV-writer/exorcist for nights of re-aligning my career path and silencing the voices. Box no. 20/09
- Consult the spirits to measure our compatibility:YES NO ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZGoodbye Box no. 20/09
- Love? My eyes will tell you all. My forehead, however, is slightly more reticent. My knees won’t give you a damn word. Paranoid military nutcase and part-time undertaker seeks F to 50. Box no. 20/11
Needed something to make me at least smile amongst the lunacy... although remain profoundly relieved that milk has not yet proven itself to be very dangerous to one's health.
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